Current NaNoWriMo word count: 10,011
Two more days and I’ll be at my all time highest word count for NaNoWriMo. I’m surprised at how giddy that makes me. It isn’t a constant giddiness, but one I feel every time I think about it. There’s a certain sense of accomplishment working towards that end goal that I haven’t felt in a long while. There’s a mix of trepidation and dread thrown in with that giddiness and I don’t know how to handle that. It is invigorating and life changing.
I don’t know if that’s the way most people feel about this. I’m sure that most people have dealt with some greater hardships in their lives than I have. But the thing about comparing hardships is that once you’re doing it the only out come is that everyone loses. Nobody is going to want to admit that they had it less bad than someone else. It’s a dick measuring contest with misery. At the end, whoever is the winner is going to be there feeling like their life really is shit, and everyone else is going to feel guilty for making that person relive their misery. Then people are going to go off and those who “won” are going to feel like acting like a miserable bastard is justified, because no one else can lay a hand on their misery. Those who “lost,” in turn, are going to feel like their woes and difficulties are less important which will make them miserable trying to be supportive of those they view as having it worse.
That’s not healthy nor how humans work. Misery and suffering aren’t objective, but subjective. There are people who have a high tolerance for physical pain and those who do not. There is no reason to expect people’s ability to handle mental anguish to be any different. We each have to recognize how much mental pain we can stand. We also have to accept that others cannot handle as much. I know I’ve been guilty of telling my girlfriend to buck up from time to time, without a thought to how much of a strain she can handle. In certain ways she is much more delicate than I am, and in others she is stronger. As someone who loves her, all I should recognize is when she needs my help and when I need hers. We’ll both be happier that way.