The eclipse yesterday seems to have thrown off my internal clock, as I sit here hours after I’d normally have written a piece, scrambling to get one out just a bit past my deadline rather than a day after it. Fortunately I know exactly what I want to talk about today. I want to talk about a turning point I’ve recently had in my life dealing with my weight. I’m heavy, but I’ve always done a decent job hiding it. It helps that I’m also tall, so I look lighter because it is all distributed more evenly. I used to be fine with this. I used to be okay just looking like I was fit, and then like I was just a bit chubby, then just lightly fatty.
Then I realized, I don’t want to just not look my weight. It wasn’t that I knew I would eventually look my weight no matter what kind of fancy dressing I did. It was that I wanted to feel lighter. I no longer wanted to feel full to bursting at every meal. I don’t want to have trouble breathing after walking up a slight incline.
It’s such a strange feeling to realize that you feel awful most every day, and that one of the biggest reasons for not doing anything about it is appearances. I didn’t want to be the fat guy running on a treadmill, with sweat pouring down his body in a waterfall. Now I am, not because I want to be, but because that’s how I get from fat guy running to fit guy running. No, I’m not going to look strong or impressive at the gym, or even outside while I make my life more active for a long while. I might even look humorously to some people as I eat portions smaller than people half my weight. I’ve come to realize that I don’t have anything to gain by gaining pounds. I have my life to gain by losing it.
I came to a second realization, one that will make it harder to accomplish my goals, but I love food. I love new flavors. I love new textures. I love the adventure a dish can take you on. And I’ve begun to learn that I can have all of that and get to my ideal weight. To start, I figured out that a lot of what I eat isn’t good. I don’t truly enjoy it, and yet I eat it constantly. Second, I realized how often I try to push down as many veggies as I can to meet a sort of quota, instead of enjoying them. So now I make sure to spice and season them in ways I know I will enjoy without overwhelming them with anything, like fat, carbs, or sugars. I realized that when I eat a delicious dessert, I don’t enjoy that dessert as much as I do an apple. Third, I realized that after I’ve eaten very little I actually feel contentedly full.
I’m starting to feel more content.